Choosing to adopt or not...

How do you start the process and common concerns

In April we inquired into adoption with connecting hearts adoption agency. We were advised of the fees and the training. We decided to hold off for a few months due to Covid-19 and the changes at our work. We also wanted to research further and decide if this is the best choice for us and our 6 year old daughter. The following months we continued to imagine our regular schedules with another child or multiple children as we are most fond of sibling groups. We also had to figure out what age range we were willing to accept into our home and what disabilities are we capable of handling. We wanted to know how this would affect our 6 year old.

The first issue I came across was one of my relatives concern. One of my relatives considered me selfish for thinking of adopting a child. She said that this would take my attention away from my bio child and that was selfish. She said to me that my bio child should not be forced to share her toys, share her parents, share her grandparents, or share any of her things with another child. This hung hard on me. Was I a bad mom for wanting in my eyes to save a child or sibling group from the foster care system and welcome them into a family? When I thought on this matter I kept thinking of the times my bio child begged me for friends to come over. When I would call her friends parents and they could not come over, my bio child would complain all day about how she just wishes she had someone her age to play with. However, she is just a child so this alone can not make up a decision for adopting a child into our home. What is the best decision for our family?

I thought about the room space in our home. We just purchased our new home in March and have extra rooms. We have 3 family rooms and 5 bedrooms. Our room, our bio child’s room, cat room, playroom, and a guest room. Are we accepting of changing all of our extra rooms into children rooms? Would we want to place children in the same room together? I began researching room ideas on pinterest. I found cute ideas for bunk bed rooms and for dorm-like rooms. I found a room design which showed two twin bed frames with a dresser in between the two beds. This was my favorite design idea. My daughter’s room currently had a Queen bed set and I hated the idea of switching her to a twin size bed. Would this be what my relative described as selfish? Taking away something she had better for the sake of another child? I decided to order a second Queen bed frame to match my bio child’s bed frame. I was nervous as to whether two Queen bed frames would fit in her room. I loved the idea of having the dual room for sisters and I feel this may bond them as family easier with sharing spaces. The bed frames fit perfectly with a two-sided dresser in between for clothing items/personal belongings for each of them to have. I have the ability for a two bed Girls Room and a two bed Boys Room.

Then, I thought about our finances. Are we financially stable to adopt a child? Are we financially stable to adopt 2 children? And how many children can we financially be comfortable with in our home? We love to take family vacations & eat out which requires finances. We have extra income at the end of every month. We do have a savings account and 401k accounts. We afforded our entire wedding in just one year with no assistance elsewhere. We can afford another child. Then we wanted to know if we could afford a sibling group. We decided that we were most comfortable financially with a four child or less group.

Next, we wondered how multiple children would affect our time. What type of time would we have for each child individually? What type of time would we have for ourselves? Would we still be able to have date nights? After taking four months to process the idea of adopting and having multiple children in our home, we realized that our time would not be affected greatly by adding children to our home. We will have to be able to spend one on one time though with our children. We can make dates with our kids. We can do a breakfast date with dad or a dinner date with mom. We realized we spend so much time together already. We end most of our nights relaxing after dinner in the loft playing video games. Some of our favorite games include Jurassic Park Legos and Sonic. We have multiple gaming systems and we have board games nights as well. We have so much family time that we realize the concern for family time is foolish. Then, we realized our bed time for kids would remain the same and we would still have our time every night after the children’s bedtimes.